Dating Widows

After becoming single for the first time in my life, I concluded that a Widow's position was no different than mine had become.
In fact women who'd become single after the age of forty or fifty were actually Widows, too, who'd lost their husband by door or by death. He either walked out the door, or passed away. 
No doubt by age forty a woman has lived a lot, cried a lot, seen at least some of the world and knows what she wants, and what she doesn't. Her value system is solid. So, here she is now single. Perhaps she'd been married like I was... ALL of her adult life with NO CLUE about dating or getting to know someone before taking him on domestically. At nineteen, I was a "good church girl" who'd heard about marriage being the only way for long-term relationships.

The twenty-first century Gray Divorcee, or widowed woman, isn't always doing things yesterday-style. Dating is one of them.  
Remarrying is another. Today some door widows would rather not give it a go at all. Below is a list of things and manners to be considered when dating a Gray Divorcee, or Widow:

1. She may not want to date at all: Hey, we like each other enough. We fit. Let's just get married. I'm used to being settled and stable.

2. Don't hover over her. She's free for the first time [in a long time] and it tastes pretty good. Look, you might have needs, but I'm looking at mine right now. I'll get to yours in a minute. I'm still prioritizing.

3. Many times she will appear to be confused. She doesn't know what she wants anymore. No man wants that. She loves the new view from the Single perspective, but needs the security he can offer. I like him. I want to be with him but I prefer my cake and his frosting. How about a compromise? Can't we share the cake? I'll take two thirds...

4. She will NOT tolerate disrespect. She's still reeling from being ousted from a marriage she thought would never end. You can say Boo! to her and she will take your head off! Be careful guys!


5. Her esteem has been so damaged, SHE WILL tolerate disrespect. Be careful ladies because it's only a desperate woman who tolerates abuse of any kind. Disrespect is abusive. Go get healed first and leave dating alone! You're not ready!

6. She may have an overwhelming urge to be satisfied with her own independence instead. It's hard to date and get to know a forty-something year old who's acting like someone fresh out of college. She's on a mission to find who she lost in her marriage, or something! Walk away from her and save yourself some frustration!

7. Believe it or not, there are some Widows today that only want to date and have fun as long as they can! Immature? Hmm...


In all, I find few things worse than Gray Divorce. It's a reality, however. People today don't fight hard enough to avoid it. With all the other "choices" in the world, we put God's promises behind us and get lost in those choices. But it is not impossible to find love again... to be in love again. Make for sure that, as a Widow, you have found your place again, and neediness is NOT your portion. The longer you remain wounded, angry, confused or selfish, the more you will repel good solid men. It's okay not to date, or remarry [even though it's most unnatural]. But it's not okay to remain as you are. May God bless and restore us all to the full!

Nhat Crawford, author, conference speaker

 Nhatsbooks.com

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