Has it occurred to you that
dating after gray divorce just might not be the thing to do?
I feel that dating
should be reserved for our potential life mate only, at our age.
Hanging out
with male friends you’ve known for eons might be an exception, but only sometimes.
Even they become suspect once you’ve become single again. Otherwise, why would a forty-five, fifty,
sixty-year-old divorcee date several men all in one month, or even over the
course of months? By the end of a year a fairly spry, good looking, well put
together fifty-year-old could rack up twenty dates! But WHY? Who has energy for
that? What is this type of woman driven by?
I will say from articles I’ve read
and from my observations, women over forty who were married once, perhaps
twice, say they’d rather have a couple of lovers, perhaps even one, as opposed
to remarrying. In their opinion the energy that must go into taking care of a
man, and a house, is exhausting to even think about. They’re over it because that was their responsibility for too many years already. After raising children, managing a home,
perhaps a career, and a marriage, etc. gray female divorcees are opting for
minimalism and “freedom.” A lover can go home; a husband can’t. Wow! They’ve even said they may never remarry! So,
I personally ask, ‘You’d rather grow old alone to avoid washing an extra dish and wiping up a little pee around the toilet?’ Hey, I say, put on some rubber gloves,
spray the bleach / water mix, wipe it up, and call it a day!
Imagine it… Gray lovers. What a
scary thing after only knowing marriage. But let’s face it, whether at age twenty-five
or fifty-five, continual dating more often than not leads to sex. Or, at least that’s the
desire, and it is natural. That’s one reason why I don’t believe dating while gray
is a profitable activity to engage in. It’s High School all over again; you’ve got on the knee high
socks and short skirts again. Only this time your cellulite is showing, and some
grays are growing beyond your Clairol Textures and Tones. Don’t do it to yourself, girls. Let dude
walk slow motion into your life, but you do the choosing after he's done the chasing. I didn't read that one. I learned it first-hand, painfully.
You’re far more valuable now than
ever before. Your marriage dissolved just before your dawning, and trust me, the
other men see your value. But if you’re not ready to share that value, stay
unhitched until your soul is healed and you can trust [him] with your preciousness. Otherwise, what does a pre-menopausal, or a
fully menopausal, woman do on a date? Dance the night away? Perhaps. Will
you share horror stories from your past life? Surely you’re not over it, honestly, and you might still be oozing from divorce, especially that first year. Ask yourself honest, hard, questions about why you might want to date:
- Are you bored and want a change of scenery?
- Do you just want some male cuddle company in front of the T.V.?
- Are you feeling you need to rediscover sex after menopause?
- Do you just want to use him for what he can help you with and you’ll figure the rest out later?
- Do you genuinely want marriage again and he’s someone you could see yourself with, as you grow older. The two of you have even discussed it. You feel a serious connection.
- Hopefully, you’re not falling into the twenty-first century adage that says, “The best way to get over one man, is to get up under another!"
Ladies... Men… let me hear your voice on this one. Leave any additional question, or comment you many have, below. I'd love to hear what you have to say on this sometimes sticky, touchy subject matter!
Nhat Crawford, author Single For The First Time, 2014
n nhatcrawford@gmail.com
Nhatsbooks.com
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