The Front Pew Princess Has Fallen, Too.

It doesn't cease to amaze me how many women in different areas of life are affected negatively by grey divorce. How someone ever thought to call it grey divorce is pretty cleaver; imagine that... two grey heads standing before a judge to dissolve their marriage of thirty-five years. It's a horror! However, out of all the categories, or areas in life and divorce, there is a sect of women--that are often over-looked--that are closest to my heart and interest. They are the women who have devoted their lives and sacrificed their dreams at the altar of the church as the wife of the church leader. Whether he is / was the pastor, the bishop, the overseer... whatever title he incurred while growing and climbing the church ladder, there she sat all dressed up and hatted down, faithful, patient, doting, and scantly honored alongside him. For some, however, the leader's wife made all the difference. The church leader could not lead without her. She was the administrator, lover, singer, teacher, lover, best friend, organizer, baby's mama, lover, confidante, cook, driver, stylist, lover, travel companion... you name it!

We grimace at separation and divorce "in the world" but we GASP! when the bishop's wife has had enough and takes a walk. We GASP! when the bishop trades in his wife for a new one. 
 We grieve rightly so. After all, as parishioners we have special love for the "first lady". We admire her and don't often consider her vulnerabilities, nor do we really know the whole story that unfolds within their walls. And, let's face it, some had special dislike for her, too! (That's a different blog or book altogether.)

It's time we stop gasping and start giving, consoling and reBUILDing these women who are likely in seclusion... wandering the proverbial streets looking for home... crawling about like a blind newborns. These women are queens without thrones; women who grew up on pedestals only to be cast from them, or at worst, have fallen off and died from the fall. In the church world they would call this death "back-slidden" meaning that these wonderful ladies no longer want anything to do with God or the church. This is more often UNtrue than true.

 It's just that her authority is muted by divorce. 

People's admiration has faded even though they, the leader's fallen wives, still have everything it takes to be who they are. 

Unfortunately, the people who admired these wise beautiful ladies don't know what to make of her as they watch her crawl, even gravel. Admirers turn to gawkers, as their arms become short, not knowing how to help, or if they can. They don't know what to say or do, so the now dusty queen retreats; the heartbreak of abandonment is wildly dizzying; and it is impossible for such women to rebound on their own. One has to know how to help them. One has to know how to approach them. Most do not and that's a real shame.  Just imagine such women, who have either worked their fingers to the bone or who have been handed everything, who now cannot even maintain a roof over their head. This should not be! They are single for the first time but this should not be a death sentence. There is a great deal of quality life to live after grey divorce for all women. I promise.

Nhat Crawford, author
Single For The First Time
Published by WestBow Press, 2014
Now Available

nhatcrawford@gmail.com