A Widow's Behavior

The other day I met a woman nearly fifty years old and single for the first time ever. She'd been married twice; the first time was fresh out of high school and a second time in her thirties, if I remember correctly. Her last marriage lasted twenty or more years until one day her husband died suddenly. She still wore her wedding rings and couldn't fathom a date with another man. 'How would I act on a date, or for that matter, any other social function where people are involved?' To hear her talk about the awkwardness of the adjustment allowed me to know just one of the countless women this book Single For The First Time was written for. We had a great conversation about widows and women experiencing divorce after being married all their adult lives. After suffering my own loss by way of the door; divorce, after 27 years, I decided to redefine the word Widow.

WIDOW: A WOMAN WHO HAS LOST HER HUSBAND BY DOOR OR BY DEATH. 

Nothing will throw you into a spiral like losing your husband. Nothing! How should a woman behave after such a loss? How should she live and present herself now? Is it really all that important?
In the book, I depict Divorce as an unjust judge that the widow, the alone woman, has to face in order to get back what was taken from her, in the interim, and there is a behavior that must accompany that or you will not win. I will tell you this... a widow, or divorced older woman's behavior, will be her salvation and better days will follow her very closely.

 A Widow's Behavior up-close:

• She exudes strength and courage despite what has befallen her;
• She's rowdy when need be... she's got to fight alone now, otherwise
• She's not quarrelsome... don't bother to answer too many questions, and entertain arguments about what you could and should have done differently, from onlookers;
• The law of kindness is on her tongue, gentleness is in her touch, mercy and compassion is what she hears amid the noise of those chattering about her new placement in life.

Over Forty Under Divorce

 

The world through the eyes of a woman facing the demise of her thirty-year marriage can be large, confusing, and cold. When you’re nearing age fifty and beyond, divorce is an occurrence that seldom finds you prepared emotionally, or financially, especially if you devoted your life to being his wife, and their mother. Regardless, a rare few do welcome the change, and hunker down for the challenge. These are likely to be the more independent, financially astute divorcees who will fare well regardless of marriage, or singlehood. For the average woman who settled into marriage for the long haul, being thrown out of her nest, and landing—splat!—face down onto a new, unyielding pavement, is death while breathing. That is not to say that financially independent women don’t hurt over the loss of their relationships, but let’s face it, money is a comforter. When you have little, or no money, that makes divorce, or the divorcer, a murderer whose punishment for killing you is never severe enough. 

Have you ever heard the story about the frog that was cooked in its own squat? We all know that frogs love water... one day, a frog found its way into a pot of water on someone’s stove and lazily relaxed inside it. Without noticing the frog, someone turned the eye on low under the pot in which the frog squatted. The water began to feel so good to the frog that it couldn’t move. In fact, the frog sunk lower into the water, relishing the warmth of it until all but its eyes was submerged. The warmth soon turned steaming hot as the temperature rose. Instead of jumping out of the water with its powerful hind legs, the frog was cooked in its own squat. Is this you? Was it you? Now what? Let's talk!