Selah

There's no feeling like getting an email, Facebook inbox message, or phone call from a woman whose seen or heard of my book, Single For The First Time, asking how they can get a copy because their husband of thirty years wants a separation, or divorce. It's heartbreaking. Where is this epidemic spawning from? Is it from deep within the wife? Has she become slack in her femininity, or something? Perhaps her eyes have become dim and she no longer sees her husband's needs, or his wandering eye. Maybe the light's gone from his eyes, and he wants to be alone. Bored maybe? What if he's just tired and wants a change of scenery. Who the heck knows?

But, there is a harsh reality that I do know: Women over forty, married and content had better learn that, no matter how lovely, nothing lasts forever. Have your personal ducks in a row so that life won't wipe you out should you have to go it alone. Period.

'Oh, Lord! Nhat, how dare you say such a thing! And you call yourself a God fearing woman?!' 

Yes, ma'am and sir, I sure am a God loving, trusting, and fearing woman who lives in a fallen world surrounded by arms of flesh that fail every day. When my arms of flesh walked out the door my ducks were not in a row. Heck, I didn't even have any ducks, so I thought.

Look, I know that women these days are a lot more savvy; they're career focused (after their family, I hope), co-partners in business with their spouse; even the stay-at-home moms are taking on virtual jobs, and the like, to earn a little something between chores and the responsibilities of marriage. The truth is, it is smart to put some focus on self-care and self-love. That includes income… savings… investments… something!

 One day you just might have to carry yourself. You may even have to carry your husband. Stuff happens! Roles switch!
 (Sometimes, right before walking out the door)

This is not a day and time for wives to trade duties for financial stability. I'm not always sure if women who get such horrible news are working women, or at least a contributor of more than food, sex and cleaning, but I do know that a man wants to be able to differentiate his wife from his kids. They all have their breaking point. We all do.

Would I say to the nearing fifty marrieds, 'Don't get too comfortable'? Uh, yes. I'd be bold enough to say that. 

The only comfort you should relish in is making sure you're working as hard and as smart as he is. God forbid, he isn't! Stay practiced. I don't care if you're the good Christian, the devoted Buddist, the unsure Agnostic, or the apathetic Atheist. The matter here is being a woman whose life could change by the whim of your man's emotions that you will not be able to figure out on your own. Fortify YOURSELF, first. If being first is good enough for a plane ride-- you know, when the flight attendant tells you to put the oxygen mask on YOURSELF FIRST, then your child, or neighbor-- then this principle will work well for you in life. Besides, helping you, helps you to help him. Selah.

Copies available - Nhatsbooks.com
Nhatcrawford@gmail.com