Single For The First Time : Dating While Gray - Part One

Single For The First Time : Dating While Gray - Part One

Dating While Gray - Part One

Of course no one wants to suffer the same wrongs as before; we don’t want to suffer repeated pain.  The best way to avoid all of it is NOT to attract it to your self in the first place. Thinking back before you were divorced or before your spouse passed away, there were signs that things weren’t going well, whether you noticed them or not. Think back on some of the things he or you might have said to each other. There were words that told you your marriage would end in divorce. God forbid trouble lurked, you ignored it; failed to speak up, and then your spouse passed away while things were unresolved.  One of the most informative articles I ever read on signs that a relationship wasn’t going to last was in the divorce section of The Huffington Post. In fact it is referred to as Huff Post Divorce.

The same goes in dating. Be aware of the signs! As a gray divorcee you do not want to attract a man who will be verbally or emotionally taunting. How can you possibly avoid this? Use your memory from your past of course.  What DON’T you want to repeat? When I say this, I am certainly not suggesting living in the past and using it against your unsuspecting new “friend.” That will keep you single until ‘death do you part’ from the earth! If you suffer from rejection, low esteem and a tendency toward recalling the past ALL THE TIME, well… you can skip dating until you’re well.

Use the wisdom you’ve gathered while on your gray divorce journey for a prosperous future with a new loving, supportive partner. However, in the getting-to know-you phase, be a good listener and let your positive attitude lead the way. Leave your divorce experience in outer space where it belongs. It happened. It’s over. You’re better than ever… now enjoy newness! HOWEVER, in dating the new, keep your ears wide open. Listen to his words. Does he say things that clue you to a future with him or not? 

Let me paint a scenario: You are forty-nine and looking forward to your big 5-0 which is coming up very soon. You’ve been in a new relationship for two months. Your kids are young adults; you may even have a couple of toddler grand kids. Your new ‘boyfriend’ has none. In your excitement you invite him to the family celebration of your birthday. He blurts out, “Look, I don’t do kids. I’ll just wait for your call when it’s over and we’ll do something together afterwards.” What does this tell you? Should you further consider this man as a permanent stay in your life?

Hey, we’re too old for the drama. We don’t need to think that we have to settle either. Never settle! 

Never say, “I’m not getting any younger. I got to have somebody.” Or, “Oh, it’s okay. He’s just a little cranky. In time, he’ll calm down.” You’re too mature and have been through too much to think, “It’s okay. He doesn’t mean any harm. I just won’t have him around the kids and grandkids. I’ll go visit them alone.” Or, “I’ll just wait until he’s gone to have the kids come over.”

What?? No way. This is a man you need to walk away from with swift steps!  You are not desperate. You are a jewel who has relearned her worth and cannot settle for less. No way. Not at fifty+!

Nhat Crawford, Author, Blogger

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